Haters just want to belong to us and be loved, too



Every now and then I post on social media. Recently, I posted a post a little more broadly, i.e. with a somewhat wider reach. And that’s when they came: the haters, the complainers and the not-so-haters.

At some point, someone who makes a living from his YouTube videos told me: If there’s one thing you have to do very quickly in the world of social media, it’s to grow a thick skin against the haters and negative people.

This always comes to mind – and indeed always – when I give a post a bigger platform. Because it is always then that the aforementioned haters, complainers and non-maintainers come. These people who at best only criticise a post destructively. But in the worst case they become personal and hurtful.

And they always come.

Bringing their negative energy to people.

Well, there are ways to deal with it. Personally, I delete every comment that is not consistently positive. Simply because I don’t want to burn any negative energy (even if it’s just via the comments on my posts). I might as well turn off the comment functions. Since many people with a positive energy just hit the like button anyway. But then I close the door on the positive comments. I don’t want that.

Now, of course, you could say: well, then you have to post something else, something that everyone, including these haters, likes. No, no alternative. Firstly, I don’t want to post something to please everyone. Secondly, I think that even that won’t stop the negative energy of some people. Even with an avoidable ‘should please everyone’ post, there will be people who react negatively to it. At least that’s what I believe when I listen to professionals.

But why is that? Why are there always people who have to criticise other people and what they do? Have to spread negative energies and thus rob others of energy?

For me, that is the real problem: these people can spread their negative energy for all I care. But if they take energy away from me and other people, that’s not possible. Because not everyone can have the thick skin described above. And even with a thick skin, it costs energy to ignore these negative people.

To be honest, I think we had a problem with that as a society. Especially today, in a global and interconnected world more than ever. I think the haters and negative people have always existed. In the past, however, they only had a limited sphere of influence. And people simply gave a wide berth to a mean-tempered neighbour, which meant that his negative energy didn’t get a stage. Today, as for example in social media, the grouchy neighbour has over and over again the opportunity to communicate, to share his negative energy with others and, worse, to take energy away from other people. As a result, these people have become a problem for us as a society. And in my opinion it is the negative people in general. Not just the haters. They are recognised as a problem and ‘solutions’ in the form of laws are already being worked on. But you don’t have to be a hater to destroy the positive energy of other people. Destructive criticism that is untenable in terms of content is quite enough. This classic ‘bad-mouthing’.

If we as a society do not respect and appreciate each other, but instead fight and badmouth each other, then we have a problem. not only on the mental level, but also on the spiritual level.

We rob ourselves of energy that we could use for other things.

Energy that we would be better off using for other things.

Now I’m just wondering why especially the people who don’t have anything positive to contribute or are perhaps negative by mistake and without noticing it, why especially these people are always listened to. And many other positive, forward-thinking people don’t. That is a psychological mechanism that I have not yet understood. But that’s not a bad thing. Nor will I be able to change it.

Nobody can change these haters and negative people.

Only they themselves. But they don’t. And there will always be them, these mean-spirited neighbours. It seems to be a characteristic of us humans that a part of us has a negative attitude and treats others negatively. Calling them names, putting them down, attacking them.

Maybe these people don’t want to be negative. They just can’t help it. Maybe they can’t help it. But maybe some of these people want to be negative quite consciously. This being negative. Because they are compensating or processing something. The field of psychological causes is certainly huge. And nothing can be changed from the outside. Everything has to be solved by these people themselves.

Maybe it is even their way of expressing their affection or their desire to belong? Because, to put it another way, what would these haters be without us, without the other people? Without those they can make fun of and hate? Without these other people, they would be alone. And they would no longer be the haters. Because they would no longer have anything to project their hatred and negative energy onto. They would no longer be visible.

So it could be that haters express their affection or desire to belong by criticising others. Then they would necessarily need us. Our sympathy, too. Because without us, they would be deprived of their social base.

There is, of course, another way of looking at it. Besides the psychological and social. The spiritual one.

These haters (by which I mean all those who spread negative energy anywhere, for whatever reason). These haters are negative, belong to the negative in this world. To the dark. To the part that opposes the light and the good.

No light without shadow. Or the other way round: no shadow, no light.

If everything were only good and positive in this world, we would not recognise the good as such. The good only becomes good because it is different from something else, the bad.

We only appreciate the good because the bad or evil exists.

Now I could go further and think about the meaning and purpose of evil in the world. About how evil is good for us because we can grow from it. But I’d rather postpone that thought 😉

Back to the haters: it’s good that they exist. Without them, we wouldn’t know how to appreciate other people. The people who think ahead, who are positive, who make this world a little better. And that’s why the haters deserve our sympathy.

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